An open letter to the rest of the world.
Dear Citizens of the World.
On behalf of myself and the other 320 million people of these United States, I would like to apologize to you all for the appalling choice of candidates we've selected as nominees for President of the United States.
It is a sad state of affairs when we, the people of this great nation, after years of campaigning, primary elections, debates, and carpet bombing of attack ads, could only come up with a cynical, jaded hen that no one trusts, with a husband who has the morals of a tomcat, and an obnoxious, megalomanical, possibly senile ADD lunatic who has no filter whatsoever and says whatever that is rattling around in his head without restraint.
Usually our political system produces at least one presidential candidate that has the brains of a reasonably functional human being. Unfortunately, this time around, our system had one of its funny turns and produced no such creature for 2016. We are in the process of pursuing the culprit or culprits responsible for this regrettable turn of events, and we promise you, heads will roll.
Once again, we do sincerely apologize and promise to do better next time. That is, provided there is a next time because whichever of these two clowns gets into office is guaranteed to throw the world into a state of goatf**kery that will take decades if not the heat death of the solar system to make right.
Because as we all know, when the US sneezes, the world catches The Black Plague.
We hope that you do not hold the next four to eight years against us. Compared to the rest of the world, we still have a lot to learn about the whole democracy thing. Meanwhile, until we can find someone crazy...er, uh intelligent enough to clean up the mess that either Hillary or Trump leaves behind, here are some more nekkid pictures of a Kardashian of your choice.
A Proud, but embarrassed American.