All right, let's cheese off some dog lovers. Especially those who love those little yippy critters that look like the love child of a mutated rat and a dust mop. I don't know what you call those little canine freaks, but they ain't dogs. To me, a dog has to weigh at least as much as a case of beer. Bottles, not cans. A case of beer goes between 15-20 lbs. If your dog does not weigh at least that much, it ain't a dog. I don't know what the hell it is, but it ain't a dog. The Denise's old, fat, Dachshund, Snickers clocks in at just over 20 lbs. Her deceased Beagle, Buck, we had to weigh his fat ass on a truck stop scale. They are dogs. They are both batshit cray-cray, but they are dogs. These little misfits that can be stuck in a Kardashian's bag, them ain't dogs.
And another thing. What is it with all these crazy assed mash-ups? Labradoodles, Schnoodles, Doberdoodles, whatever! People be taking any two funky looking breeds, throwing them together and coming up with something that shouldn't exist outside of Frankenstein's lab, and they're getting major coin for them! WTF! In my day we had a another term for artisanal, small-batch, reserve limited edition collector critters. MUTTS!!! And you went to the Animal Rescue League, gave 'em $20.00 and took his ass home. That same dog of indeterminate parentage now goes for a couple grand! I'm waiting for the day some nut puts a Chihuahua and a Bull Mastiff together. Oy!!! I am definitely in the wrong line of work! Even I can take a couple dogs, stick 'em in a room, throw on some Barry White and let nature take its course. And sell the pups for big money!!! I gots to get in on this bandwagon! I smell major income enhancement potential. Uncle P's Canine Mash-Up Shelter and Crab Shack! I could franchise this! I SMELL MONEY!!! 🐶🐶🐕🐕🐩🐩💲💲💲💲💲