Greetings and Salivations, Boys and Girls. Your City League Advocate has finally recovered from his Annual Birthday Bacchanal and Clam Bake held as usual in an undisclosed location. He had planned a City League update for last week, but the dancing elephants he was seeing on his ceiling for the past ten days finally moved on. You can tell the Advocate is getting old because it's taking him longer and longer to recover from the hilarious hi-jinks and jolly japes that are a tradition of the Birthday Bacchanal and Clam Bake.
Now yinz might wonder how, in these tough economic times, the Advocate can fund such an extravagant tribute to licentiousness, lust and naughty behavior? Well, The Advocate was wondering the same thing, because believe me, the acquisition of various and sundry types of explosives, exotic animals, cheerleaders that haven't been scared off or traumatized by previous encounters with the folks who come to the Bacchanal, as well as a steady supply of virgins, willing and otherwise, can cost a pretty penny indeed. But by a chance meeting in a “gentleman's” club that shall remain nameless, because their liquor license is held by the local chapter of a prominent Sicilian fraternal society, The Advocate met a charming and enterprising young fellow who goes by the name of “H4Ck3R d00d.” (his spelling, not mine)
Over a few glasses of absinthe, he mentioned to me that he was a fan of Your City League Advocate's work, and was interested in helping out in his own “special” way. Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, The Advocate immediately explained his predicament to him, and through the smoke of what may or may not have been clove cigarettes, he said that he would be happy to secure funding for the Bacchanal for a modest percentage of whatever he was able to raise. He and The Advocate shook on the deal, and then settled in for a night of wholesome entertainment that involved the peculiar gyrations of a fetching young lady named Summer Delight who said that she was a college student earning extra money on the side. She said that she was going to Carnegie Mellon and what she did with a slide rule confirmed it.
The Advocate never bothered to ask how Mr. d00d was going to secure the funds necessary to run the Bacchanal for this year, but the young man confided in me that it was best not to know, and that certain very highly placed politicians and corporate movers and shakers would be in for a nasty surprise when they opened their credit card statements. Least said, soonest mended.
Mr. d00d delivered on his promise when The Advocate checked his bank account a day or two later and found that there were quite a few extra zeros after his bank balance that were not there before. So long story short, the 2011 Birthday Bacchanal and Clam Bake went off without a hitch. The Advocate would regale his fans about the goings on, but due to his advanced age and certain non-disclosure agreements signed under pain of death, or worse, he cannot. But he will say that the Bacchanal for his 50th birthday will reach Caligulian proportions.
But enough talk of explosions and scared animals, let's talk about the Advocate's raison d'etre, and that is the doings of the Pittsburgh City League.
The Current Standings so far...
Brashear 2-0 , 2-1
Westinghouse 1-0, 2-1
Perry 1-0, 1-2
U-Prep 1-0, 2-1
Allderdice 1-1, 1-2
Allderdice 1-1, 1-2
Carrick 0-2. 0-3
Oliver 0-2, 0-3
Langley 0-0, 2-1
In a battle of potential City League playoff teams, Brashear edged Allderdice 13-10. The 'Dice led 10-0 at the half, when Brashear came back and won the game when they intercepted a lateral off a fake field goal attempt with a little over a minute to play to seal the win. Now what is interesting is that Allderdice had to have telegraphed that their attempt at a field goal was to be a fake because anyone who has watched City League football for any length of time knows that CITY LEAGUE TEAMS DO NOT KICK FIELD GOALS OR EXTRA POINTS!!!! The average City kicker can barely get the ball off the ground much less through the goal posts at a distance more than ten yards. The Bulls go on to play Westinghouse, who is enjoying a rare stint outside of the lower tier of the League. The 'House opened the season with a 36-23 win over Bentworth, Predictably, they got their heads handed to them by Linsly 47-14, but bounced back by shutting out Carrick 36-0.
Poor Raiders. They have had 81 points scored against them in 3 games while scoring only 7. It's bad when WESTINGHOUSE blows you out. The Raiders will now head up to Howland, Ohio to take on the same Tiger team that blew them out 48-0 last season. The Advocate wouldn't be surprised if Carrick pulls an o-fer, but they may have a chance at defeating the Oliver Bears, who gave up 35 and 25 points against Allderdice and U-Prep, respectively.
The Bear's woes will continue this weekend when they will play the North Side Derby against rivals, the Perry Commodores, who have to be wondering what the license plate was of the truck that squashed them flat when they went down to Cumberland, Maryland to battle the Fort Hill Sentinels.
Fort Hill gave the Commodores a heaping helping of Maryland hospitality to the tune of a 50-13 smackage. In all the years the Advocate has covered City League football, he has never seen a Perry team get handled in that way before. The Sentinels gained 499 yards ON THE GROUND!!! Fort Hill had two backs run for over 100 yds and one of them for 222 yds on 14 carries! That's almost 16 yds/carry!!! That's Rushel Shell territory, boys and girls!!!
And this was a Perry team that was supposed to defend their City Championship. The Sentinels will make their way up to the friendly confines of the George to take on the Allderdice Dragons, who have to be wondering after viewing the game tape of the Perry debacle whether tis' nobler to show up at all, much less suffer through a beatdown where they may have 60+ points hung on them.
The Langley Mustangs will finally get a chance to play a City League club, when they take on University Prep after three straight weeks on the road. After a 23-7 loss to Carlynton, the Mustangs went down to our Nation's Capital and defeated Theodore Rooselvelt 14-8.
As an aside, and yinz may hold The Advocate to this, he will never, ever again bitch about how bad we in the City League have it compared to the folks in the DCIAA. While the City has it's problems, at least, the Advocate can't remember a time when a game was postponed due to: lack of security; lack of medical staff on site; or a lack of eligible players.
After dispatching the Rough Riders, the Ponies headed off to Homer-Center and walloped the Wildcats 45-15. So the Mustangs hopefully can translate their success on the road into some quality wins in the City League. While the rumblings of Oliver and Langley closing after the school year are getting louder, it would be nice if the Mustangs could go out with a playoff appearance.
Thursday Sept 22, 6pm
Langley vs U-Prep. The Panthers come into this game 2-1 off a recent 25-0 win over Oliver, They lost by nine to Brashear two weeks ago. While U-Prep isn't at the same level as Brashear, a win here and against Carrick next week should give them a nice bit of momentum for a pivotal game against the 'Dice on October 14. U-Prep does not have any other non D8 games on their schedule, which may work out in their favor in the upcoming hunt for the playoffs. The Advocate finds for U-Prep.
Friday Sept 23 3:30pm
Perry vs Oliver. The battle for North Side bragging rights has gone solidly in Perry's direction over the years, and as the Commodores seek to recover from the beatdown suffered by Fort Hill, they see in their sights, an Oliver team that is complete disarray. Unless you're a Perry fan, there's a reason this game is slotted in the “No Man's Land” time slot. Perry will crush.
Friday Sept 23 7:00pm
Brashear vs Westinghouse. The Bulldogs face their first test in the City League this season. And The Advocate fears that they will not pass it with flying colors. Brashear is capable of blowing this game, but don't bet the kiddies college fund on it. Brashear going away.
Friday Sept 23 7:30pm
Carrick vs Howland (OH). The Advocate has to give the Raiders credit for even making the trip up into Ohio for this game. Last year Howland won by 48 pitching the shutout, They could easily score 50+ this season. Howland big!!
Saturday Sept 24 1:00pm
Ft. Hill (MD) at Allderdice. The Sentinels gave a clinic on old school smashmouth football against the defending City League Champion. They could hang at least 60 on the 'Dice. And if you think this game could be bloody, Ft. Hill will play Carrick at home on Oct 21. Ft. Hill is a Class A team in Maryland. The Advocate thinks that either Clairton or Rochester should give these guys a call and see whether they could make a deal.