Tuesday, February 02, 2021

A Squarish, Roundish Peg.

If 23 and Me can be trusted, I'm approx 35% European consisting of 28% British/Irish and a smattering of other Euro ethnicities. 62% Sub-Saharan African 32% of which is Nigerian and a smattering of other African ethnicities. The rest is just random trace material from Asia and other world regions. 

 The British/Irish comes from my father, who apparently was white. I also thought he was very light skinned. But there's no way to find out about his ancestry because he's been dead over 20 years. And even then, I knew nothing about his family. I never asked him about it. It never occurred to me to ask him. 

 I have a different father than my brothers and sister, all of whom are also dead. Apparently, I must have been a one-off between my mother and my father. I didn't know much about their relationship. Never asked about it.  It never occurred to me to ask them.  They obviously knew each other enough to have me. But they didn't live together.  So, I'm all over the place.

 Those home DNA kits only pin down to a specific region of the world. They obviously don't go down to the minute levels. The user uses that data as a base reference and  refines their study by talking with their relatives, researching family records, etc. My close relatives are all dead. I wouldn't even know how to get started on researching all that stuff.

  I've always had more white friends than black friends. I've always felt more comfortable around white folks than black folks. Maybe my being bullied by black kids in middle school contributed to that feeling.  I don't really conform to common black stereotypes. I don't really listen to hip-hop and rap, unless it's the older stuff. I don't like basketball. I'm not all that fixated on personal appearance. I don't dress up. Don't care about my hair.  I go to a Black church, which I love. But it's an Episcopal church, which isn't really big amongst black folks. I sing gospel, but I don't particularly like listening to it. 

I'm what black folks might call an Oreo. Dark (more light skinned) on the outside, white on the inside. I don't fit in completely anywhere. I'm a squarish, roundish peg that kinda fits in square or round holes with a little persuasion, but not perfectly.

Maybe this admission won't get invited to the cookout or the spades game anymore. Maybe I'll have to turn in my black card, as I'm not fully a part of the tribe, as it were.  But I have to figure my own way in the world. Maybe by straddling both cultures. 

Sad that it took me into my late 50's to come to this conclusion.  But I have good friends of all races and ethnicities. And they put up with my quirks and eccentricities. And as long they're willing to do so, I'm happy.